A Musical Survey of Me

With how much time I've been spending in the car lately, you can guess that I've been listening to a lot of music.  Right now, though, I'm not going to talking so much about what I've been listening to overall, but instead bringing a few specific songs to your attention.  They're songs that deserve it.  

For fun, I'll tie each of them to how I'm feeling currently.

Time - Hans Zimmer

Time is from the movie Inception, and it's beautiful.  I said in the song tag that Head Case is my favorite song, but in a different way, Time is.  There's sadness in it, but mostly resolution.  Loss behind, but a moving forward anyway.  I don't know what that will look like for me, but I know that's where I'm going.

There's a version here that always makes me cry

Traveling Alone - Jason Isbell

When I left, I had a lot of people ask me if I would get lonely.  And very confidently, I said no.  I get lonely with other people, I don't get lonely by myself.  And that's mostly remained true.  I did have the strange realization the other day that I missed my family a little bit, but I prayed and the feeling, while true, stopped affecting me so much.  In a sense, yes, I miss my family.  But it's not the kind of missing that disrupts my emotions.

There are a lot of things I can do because I'm traveling alone.  I can take detours on a whim if I want to.  I can also drive for eleven hours straight, only stopping for gas, which some other people might not be up for.  I can sit in silence thinking about the same thing for two hours; I probably couldn't do that if I was with someone.

But I won't deny that there are times when I see something interesting, or when I think about how many miles I've traveled, or when the sun is starting to set, and I look over at the empty seat beside me (well, not really empty, but you get my meaning), and I kind of wish that I had someone to share that with.

But, well, I don't.  And it's better to be alone than to have the wrong person there.

Long Trip Alone - Dierks Bentley 

Kind of the same idea as the last one, just with a more optimistic tone.  The Lord is changing me, growing and sanctifying me, and I have faith (in him, not me) that someday I won't be alone.

This is a lot of inner feeling to trust to the internet.  Let's break the tension with a meme.

Diving back in!

The Color of Love, Life Has its Little Ups and Downs, Jackson - Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash

They didn't write any of these songs, but there's something so special about the way they sing them together.  I don't know if there's any more iconic love story in country music than Johnny Cash and his woman.  

They were married to other people, but had their fair share of personal issues that each dealt with.  Cash in particular had some addictions that just devastated his relationships.  And eventually, they ended up with each other.

There's something very real and honest about their relationship, how they came from such difficult places, but made it work with each other by hard work, a commitment to love, and most of all, God's grace.  I find their songs hilarious too, because in so many of them they portray a couple who struggles, and I'm sure they did, but they were also so good for each other, and I'm sure they had fun playing those characters.

If You Want Love - NF

Caring comes with pain.  Facts of life.

Change - NF

Lyrics I'm currently feeling:

But lately, I been thinkin' I'ma have to
Lettin' go of things that I'm attached to
World don't stop just because I'm in a bad mood

I swear I'm tryna get it together
Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better

Yeah, tossin' in my sleep
Every night for like two weeks
Thinkin' 'bout how I could have done this or done that better
Can't help it, that's just me, lies
That's me avoidin' the change

I need a moment of silence
I don't like change, but I'll try it
I don't wanna hear what I should or I shouldn't do
Why are they always defiant?
See, all my emotions are liars
All my emotions are violent
They don't want freedom to find me

Which, really provides a decent explanation of why I'm on this trip.  I have to force myself into change somehow.  By God's grace, I'm closer to him in the next chapter of my life.

I'm Sorry - Blake Shelton

Clearly about me.  This one hurts a little bit, but really that's no more than I deserve, so yes and amen.  The pain won't last forever, and it is good to feel what ought to be felt.

Patience - Chris Cornell

Yes, this is originally by Guns N' Roses, but Cornell's is so much better.  The tiredness, the longing, but the faith that things are going to work out, are all things that I feel.  Even if "things working out" doesn't look the way it does in the song.  

Also, this guys vocals are amazing.  I highly recommend.

Learning How to Bend - Gary Allan

Do me a favor, if you want to know how this applies to me, just look up the lyrics.  It's all there, besides that happy ending in the chorus.

Praise the Lord for mercy and grace,
On him alone I rest my case.